**Journal Entry: Jealous** I was asked if I’m the jealous type, and without thinking too hard, I said no. And I meant it. But jealousy is a big word, and people throw it around like it only comes in one flavor—rage, insecurity, meltdown energy. That’s not me. I’m not the “burn your house down because you didn’t text me back” type. I’m not side-eyeing every girl that breathes near you or launching into a full FBI sweep because someone double-tapped your post. **However...** If there’s a girl in your comments? I _am_ clicking. I _am_ finding out who she is, how long y’all have been commenting under each other’s stuff, and whether she’s the kind of funny that’s actually funny or the kind you let slide because she’s cute. I won’t say anything. I might make a smart-ass comment like, “Maybe the girl in your comments help you out,” or if you go MIA, I’ll think, _Hope you're using a condom with her._ But I won’t change how I treat you. Not immediately... I think people confuse jealousy with intensity. I don’t come off strong when I first meet someone. I’m a reserved version of myself until I know you’re not just another temporary seat-filler. But if someone makes me feel comfortable early on? That’s rare. That surprises me. And when I feel safe, I get bold. I start saying and doing things I didn’t expect from myself, and that’s when you get access to the real me. And to be clear only two people have ever unlocked more access than I normally give, especially within the first two days to a week. So will I gatekeep them? Yes. Yes, I will. Because comfort doesn’t come easy to me, and when it shows up early, it matters. Back to jealousy n v no, I don’t think I qualify. At least not in the way people expect. I don’t force anyone to stay in my life. I haven’t in the past, and I’m not starting now. If you’re meant to be here, you’ll stay. If not, go. I’ll hold the door. Seeing you with another girl might pluck a feather, (Absolutly) but it’s not going to break me. It’s not going to turn me into someone I’m not. That’s why I don’t call it jealousy. I’m not blind. I know there are girls who beat their faces to the gods, who walk into a room and _command it_. I’m still Googling whether concealer goes before or after foundation. So yes, someone will always be better than me in some way. But that doesn’t necessarily bother me. I don’t think I’m insecure. I think I’m honest. And if I’m being honest? I notice everything. I won’t fight for a spot that should already have my name on it lol I won’t beg for energy that isn’t freely given.