Anxiety doesn’t knock.
It kicks the door in,
throws itself onto my chest,
makes a home in my bones like it’s always paid rent.
It speaks in a voice that sounds like mine,
but meaner.
Tells me to rethink that text.
Tells me they hate me.
Tells me I looked stupid, sounded stupid,
_was_ stupid.
And I listen.
Because anxiety doesn’t whisper it shouts.
It fills the room,
fills my lungs,
fills my head with static
until I forget what silence sounds like.
People say, _it’s all in your head._
And maybe it is.
But if a hurricane is in your house,
does it matter if it’s real or imagined
when the walls are still shaking?
I tell myself to breathe.
In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.
Like numbers can tame a beast.
Like air can fix the way my hands won’t stop trembling.
I tell myself _I am okay._
Even when my pulse disagrees.
Even when my stomach twists itself into knots
so tight I forget how to be hungry.
And then, when I least expect it,
it leaves.
Like it was never here,
like it never tore through my day,
never wrecked my body,
never made me question my own existence.
And I sit there,
in the wreckage,
waiting for it to come back.
Because it always does.
```audio-player
[[Slap poem(Anxiety).mp3]]
```
```audio-player
[[Slap poem (Anxiety).mp3]]
```