The world did not end in a bang, or a whisper, but rather, one scream at a time. That was the night when I understood why people fear silence because silence is what’s left when the monster wins. And how do you destroy a monster without becoming one yourself? Today marks four years since my mom died. Four years of fake smiles, unspoken grief, and standing in front of a headstone like it's supposed to make up for everything. My dad and I are visiting her grave again. That’s about the only thing we do together now. After she died, the house cracked open. Friends vanished like they were allergic to sadness. My dad disappeared into work or whatever else kept him out until midnight. I was twelve. Making my own dinner, washing my own clothes, learning how to fall asleep to the sound of nothing. We were supposed to lean on each other. He leaned on the doorframe on his way out. I turn eighteen in two months. My last year of high school. I’ve been counting down the days, not because I’m excited, but because once it's over, I can finally leave. Start the mourning process for real. Not this half-hearted, school-counselor-approved version. You’d think after everything, I’d have at least one friend left to walk the halls with. But nope. Turns out grief makes you socially radioactive. The only teacher who actually cared—my Spanish teacher—retired last year. She once told me I reminded her of a flamenco dancer: intense, emotional, and likely to set something on fire. I miss her. “Dakota you’re gonna be late for school” my dad shouts from the bottom of the stairs and I roll my eyes because he never cared if I was late for school before so I don’t know why today is all of a sudden different “I do know how to read the time,” I said coming out of the kitchen “are you gonna drive me or should I just walk” he glanced at his watch and then back at me “I have an important meeting that’s happening here in less than 20 min so you’re going to have to walk” I rolled my eyes " Figured” I mumbled, grabbing my bag. “Or—” he tosses me the car keys, “—take the car. Just don’t crash it into anything.” Tempting. But no. I save my self-destructive impulses for more symbolic acts of rebellion—like surviving. *** I got to school in one piece, I contemplated crashing the car to piss off my dad but decided not to. I’d rather not kill myself with only one year left of freedom, no matter how tempting it was. I grabbed my bags and headed for my class I still had a couple of minutes but walking there would take up all that time anyway. I was halfway to my first-period class when I heard someone shout my name, School smells like floor wax, teenage angst, and crushed dreams. I park the car without crashing , sling my bag over one shoulder, and start the long walk to first period. I’m halfway there when someone calls out my name like we’re besties. “Yooo, Dakota!” I don’t even have to look. Liam Davis. The walking definition of white boy privilege. Probably thinks emotional damage builds character—mostly because he’s never had any. I keep walking. He jogs up beside me, which is frankly more cardio than I thought he was capable of. “Why are you running from me?” he asks, like we’re in some kind of romantic comedy. “I’m not. Unlike some people, I actually go to class.” I glance at him. “Also, it’s _Regan_. Not Dakota.” Only a few people get to call me Dakota. People who earned it. Liam is not on that list. “Have you always been this hostile?” he grins. “Oh no, it’s a new personality I’m trying out.” I smile sweetly. It's the kind of smile that says _I know where you live and I own a lighter_. Liam is taller than me by a few inches. Wide face, sharp jawline, narrow hazel eyes that always look like they’re trying to solve a math problem. His hair’s pulled into a man bun—which would be annoying on anyone else, but he somehow makes it look like he invented the concept. He has one ear pierced and dresses like he’s the heir to a very moody fashion label. “It’s not a great look,” he says, still smiling. “And yet I’m wearing it anyway.” “Anyway,” he says, brushing off the jab, “I’m throwing a party this weekend. Thought I’d invite you.” I stop walking. He doesn’t. He notices a few steps later and turns back. “You’re joking,” I say, I was looking at him like he was crazy because he was after 4 years of being alone and ignored now he wants to invite me to hang out he must think I’m fucking stupid He shrugs. “Listen I know it’s been a rough couple of years since...everything but its senior year. Thought maybe we could all start over.” _We?_ This guy was my ex-best friend’s ex. Four years ago, when everything went sideways, he ghosted like the rest of them. Now he wants a reboot? As if trauma comes with a refresh button. “Well,” he adds, “you don’t have to decide right now. First day and all. Just think about it.” He grins again, like this is normal. Like we’re friends. Then he disappears down the hallway, leaving me exactly two minutes late to first period. Great start. Class is as boring as expected. Teacher acts like my two-minute delay ruined her entire syllabus. I sit in the back, zone out, and remind myself that getting good grades is easier when you have no one to text under the table. By the time school ends, I’m almost free—until I see Liam and his posse of human energy drinks _leaning against my car_. I consider walking home. I really did. “Dakota!” he calls out like we’re at a barbecue. “Fuck” I mumbled I sigh. “Liam,” I say, mimicking his tone. He rolls his eyes. Good. Now we’re even. “You’ve met everyone, right?” he says, gesturing to his group. We’ve been going to the same school since kindergarten. Of course I know them. “Yup.” “So?” “So what?” “Have you decided if you’re coming or not?” oh right the stupid party, Oh. Right. That. “I’d love to—what with it being our last year and all—but I’ll have to ask my dad first.” I fake a polite smile. “I’ll let you know what he says.” He beams like we just bonded over something meaningful. “Cool! I’ll DM you the details.” Of course he still follows me. Should’ve deleted that account. “Great. Can’t wait,” I say, already edging toward the driver’s side. They’re blocking the door like they’re auditioning for a toothpaste commercial. Just as I open it, Liam catches the edge. “Hope to see you there,” he says, locking eyes with me like he’s expecting something. “Sure,” I mutter. He lets go. I slam the door, not checking for fingers. Drove out of the lot fast enough to feel it. Didn’t care if they were watching. NOT EDITED As I was pulling up to my house I saw an SUV parked at the front of the house I guess my dad’s meeting was still going on, I parked my car right behind the SUV. I was about to get out when I saw 3 men dressed in regular athletic wear walk out of the house followed by my dad. I stayed in my car until they left. When I got out my dad was waiting for me on the steps “How was school ?” I looked up at my dad for the first time in a while and actually analyzed him he was 5’ 11” and he has fair skin. He has a round face with a cleft chin, a well-formed nose, and full lips, and his hazel eyes are hooded. He has short, thick, black hair which was gelled back, and he has a mustache. His lower lip was pierced but he stopped wearing it ever since mom died. And he no longer wears his wedding ring, I’m realizing now that I look nothing like him and that’s beside the skin tone. “Dakota?” I looked back up at his eyes and now there was a crease in his forehead “Sorry what?” “I asked how school was” “Oh it was the same old nothing new” I looked in the direction the car left in then back at him “I think I’m just gonna go to my room now” I squeezed past him into the house and headed straight to my room. I was not in the mood to socialize with anyone for the rest of the day. I decided to take a nap because that’s the only way I could really avoid talking. When I woke up it was already 8:30 I mentally groaned our teachers decided the first day is the best day to give out homework and I haven’t even started my math homework yet. After about another 20 minutes of laying in bed I decided to finally go downstairs, the whole house was pitch black and I heard the TV on in the living room I relaxed a bit and walked straight to the kitchen. I was worming up some leftovers in the kitchen when someone walked in, “Long day ?” “Fuck!” I was about the through my fork when I saw my dad lift his hands up in ==defence== “Careful with that might pock someone’s eyes out” he laughed putting his hands down, I lowered the fork “Sorry you scared me, " he chuckled and took a seat at the island table, there was a silence that I didn’t feel comfortable with and I couldn’t leave because my food was still in the microwave “So how did your meeting go?” he looked up at me and smiled “Good I think everything’s gonna run smoothly, we’ve been working on a project for a while now so seeing it finally start to come together feels good” he always loved talking about his work even when mom was alive, once you got him started you couldn’t get him to stop. He works as a Financial manager of Wilson’s Financial Investments Ltd. it’s his company but they decided that it would be best to hire someone else as the CEO so that he could be at home more, he still manages everything that goes on but not as much as if he was the CEO. stupid I know but it wasn’t my idea. “What? why are you looking at me like that?” he smiled “I don’t know, it’s just been a while since I’ve heard you talk about work” he rubbed the back of his neck and laughed ‘It has been hasn’t it” “And those guys did not seem like businessmen,” I laughed “what were they even wearing?” we were both laughing and joking about his business partners and I felt good, it was the first real laugh I’ve had since everything happened and it felt nice to just relax around him again. “Speaking of work there is something I wanted to tell you” I grabbed my food and rolled my eyes “Alright go” I leaned against the counter and started eating my food while I waited for him to speak “Well I know that your school year just started and everything but there is a work meeting that I have to go to tomorrow, I probably won’t be back till next month and I wanted to know if you wanted to you know to tag along” I stopped eating and looked at him this isn’t the first overseas work meeting he’s been on neither is this the first time I’ve been left alone so I don’t know why he wants me to come, “I’m not mom, I don’t know how to do anything so why do you want me to come?” “I know your not your mother, but I want us to get things to how they were when we were closer” I laughed at that because we both know there never gonna go back to how they were “This is a joke right” I laughed again hoping it was “Dakota this isn’t funny I’m honestly trying here a little effort would be nice” effort? Does he think I’m the one who needs to put in more effort? “I don’t know what you expect from me” “I want you to give me a chance, none of this has been easy and I could use the company” “For fucks sake” “Language” he was getting angry now and served him right “Company would have been nice when I was crying myself to sleep every night for 3 years but I guess that’s just my problem isn’t it” and with that, I grabbed my food and left I’m done with his shit for the night “REAGAN!” he yelled after me but I was pissed off and just kept walking before I said something I was gonna regret.